Hey People,
I was introduced to a new game, called Crocono, on the weekend. It's like a mini shuffleboard game. Really fun, and for my Dad brought back a lot of memories of playing Crocono with his Grandpa. I've never seen my Dad get more excited over a Flea Market purchase. He unveiled the Crocono board as though he was Vana White Unveiling a BRAND NEW CAR.
When he plays it the flamboyant man inside him comes out of his giant linebacker frame. He has a smile ear to ear, and when he flubs a shot he says, "way to go, Nancy." I've played golf with him. when he screws up on the golf coarse he says "fuck". With Crocono, apparently his name is Nancy. "Nancy, what were you thinking?" Finally my step sister called him on it, and asked why he kept calling himself Nancy. He told us it was from a commercial, and my step mom told him that nobody understood the reference. He continued to yell, "way to go, Nancy"
My step mom was also delighted to see the new board game. She remembered playing as a kid, and insisted that she had a board when my step sister Allison was little. Allison couldn't remember the game. As far as my sister was concerned, she was playing her first game of Crocono right then and there. Now, before I say what my step mom said next, I have to say that she has a way with incorporating the topic at hand with another life changing moment from her past. It's not a bad thing, it's just what she seems to do. She asked my sister "you don't remember your father taking the Crocono board when he left us?" I laughed at this, not at the idea of their family breaking up, but because, how may of us have overreacted during a board game? I pictured him flipping out, picking the board up off the table, and storming out of the house. Only to look back once and yell, "we're not friends anymore!"
Nevertheless, I thoroughly enjoyed being introduced to Crocono. I look forward to playing again. It seems to have an invisible magnet that brings families closer together. It Rekindles memories of loved ones who are no longer with us. And as long as you don't lose your temper while you're losing, the bond with your friendly opponents can only grow deeper.
Monday, 8 August 2011
Thursday, 4 August 2011
Is age just a number?
Hey People,
I turned 30 this year... To me it's just a number. I wouldn't care about it at all. I'd celebrate it, if the rest of the world would let me! They always say it in a somber voice, "oh you're 30..." I enrolled in college when I was 26. I became friends with people who were 18. They never said, "oh you're 26..." Now, "you're 30..." They say it like we can't be friends anymore! Like I've accomplished nothing, and that's why I'm even bothering shaking the hands of an early 20 something. I must admit I'm a late bloomer. And with being a late bloomer I am in the mix with some early 20 somethings, and therefore have dated a few early 20 somethings in the passed couple years. The sex is great! I had one early 20 something say, "boy, you sure know how to please a girl." in which i replied "I do? Oh..." Never try a relationship with an early 20 something, though. An early 20 something has fun on their mind, and a relationship is work. They'll be fine in a couple of years, but it's not meant to be for you two. Remember, when you were 20 she was 11. You wouldn't take an 11 year old on a romantic date to Red Lobster, would you? Imagine that scenario!
WAITER: May I take your order?
ME: Yes, I will have the Seafood Chowder to start, and the Lobster tail.
WAITER: And for your, Miss?
HER: I want a grilled cheese sandwich.
WAITER: We don't have grilled cheese at Red Lobster. Maybe something from the apatizer menu?
Now she starts ordering the entire list of apatizers. I want this, and I want that. She finally finishes ordering and the waiter leaves.
ME: Listen, I hope this isn't a problem, but I was wondering if we can split the bill. I'm between jobs.
HER: Ok...
The dinner comes. Mine is great. Half of hers ends up on the floor. We finish, ask for the bill, it comes, and... She brings out her change purse, and dumps out nickles and dimes on the table while uttering,
HER: Is that enough?
ME: Do you have any concept of money? No that's not enough. You ordered half the menu! We can't pay for this. I'm between jobs! I'm a late bloomer.
Now I'm washing dishes at Red Lobster because it's against the law to make an 11 yrs old wash dishes.
A few weeks ago I went out on a date with a 38 year old woman. We met on Plenty of Fish. I enjoy grabbing beer with randoms off that website. Mostly just for enlightening conversation. This girl was the oldest girl I had ever been out on a date with. She told me she enjoys dating younger men. Most men her age and older are boring. I bit my tongue (or rather my pint glass). I thought, ya having your shit together is boring I guess. Battling rush hour traffic to go to a 9 to 5 job. Then battling the traffic to get home to your couch is rather boring... maybe not boring, but less entertaining to watch then my life. To watch me is like watching a suspense thriller. Every so often you can watch me storm into my room with my bank statements screaming, "I don't know how I'm going to survive to next week!" Then planting my face into your breasts, and crying, while you say "you survived to this week, and the week before that, and the week before that. You're going to be 31 soon"
After all this complaining against it I still want age to be just a number. I bet their are 11 yrs old kids who have made millions designing web pages, and would be more than happy to buy me a lobster. Plus, I know there are early 20 somethings that are married and happy. And how great would it be to sleep with an older girl, so I can say "girl, you sure know how to please a boy"
I turned 30 this year... To me it's just a number. I wouldn't care about it at all. I'd celebrate it, if the rest of the world would let me! They always say it in a somber voice, "oh you're 30..." I enrolled in college when I was 26. I became friends with people who were 18. They never said, "oh you're 26..." Now, "you're 30..." They say it like we can't be friends anymore! Like I've accomplished nothing, and that's why I'm even bothering shaking the hands of an early 20 something. I must admit I'm a late bloomer. And with being a late bloomer I am in the mix with some early 20 somethings, and therefore have dated a few early 20 somethings in the passed couple years. The sex is great! I had one early 20 something say, "boy, you sure know how to please a girl." in which i replied "I do? Oh..." Never try a relationship with an early 20 something, though. An early 20 something has fun on their mind, and a relationship is work. They'll be fine in a couple of years, but it's not meant to be for you two. Remember, when you were 20 she was 11. You wouldn't take an 11 year old on a romantic date to Red Lobster, would you? Imagine that scenario!
WAITER: May I take your order?
ME: Yes, I will have the Seafood Chowder to start, and the Lobster tail.
WAITER: And for your, Miss?
HER: I want a grilled cheese sandwich.
WAITER: We don't have grilled cheese at Red Lobster. Maybe something from the apatizer menu?
Now she starts ordering the entire list of apatizers. I want this, and I want that. She finally finishes ordering and the waiter leaves.
ME: Listen, I hope this isn't a problem, but I was wondering if we can split the bill. I'm between jobs.
HER: Ok...
The dinner comes. Mine is great. Half of hers ends up on the floor. We finish, ask for the bill, it comes, and... She brings out her change purse, and dumps out nickles and dimes on the table while uttering,
HER: Is that enough?
ME: Do you have any concept of money? No that's not enough. You ordered half the menu! We can't pay for this. I'm between jobs! I'm a late bloomer.
Now I'm washing dishes at Red Lobster because it's against the law to make an 11 yrs old wash dishes.
A few weeks ago I went out on a date with a 38 year old woman. We met on Plenty of Fish. I enjoy grabbing beer with randoms off that website. Mostly just for enlightening conversation. This girl was the oldest girl I had ever been out on a date with. She told me she enjoys dating younger men. Most men her age and older are boring. I bit my tongue (or rather my pint glass). I thought, ya having your shit together is boring I guess. Battling rush hour traffic to go to a 9 to 5 job. Then battling the traffic to get home to your couch is rather boring... maybe not boring, but less entertaining to watch then my life. To watch me is like watching a suspense thriller. Every so often you can watch me storm into my room with my bank statements screaming, "I don't know how I'm going to survive to next week!" Then planting my face into your breasts, and crying, while you say "you survived to this week, and the week before that, and the week before that. You're going to be 31 soon"
After all this complaining against it I still want age to be just a number. I bet their are 11 yrs old kids who have made millions designing web pages, and would be more than happy to buy me a lobster. Plus, I know there are early 20 somethings that are married and happy. And how great would it be to sleep with an older girl, so I can say "girl, you sure know how to please a boy"
An introduction
Hey People,
Most of you reading this will probably already know me, but for the ones who just come across this, let me intorduce myself. I'm Chris Roberts. I live in Toronto. I was born in Sault Ste Marie. I moved to the village of Wingham when I was 5. Then later moved to London Ontario when i was 16, to gain somewhat of an IQ.
London is my true home town. It's where all my best friends live! I'll try to introduce them all, as I plan on talking about the A LOT. First there's Isaac. Isaac and I met in general math, my first week upon arriving in London. He was a punk, and I was a jock. But through our love of Seinfeld we made a long lasting friendship. Now there's Dave. Dave and I have been friends since my senior year of high school. He had graduated, but I got to know him through his younger brother mark (Wait! I'll get to Mark in a second). Dave and I didn't seem to have a lot in common, but after a few thousand beers (and everyone else getting girlfrends) we're the best of friends today. Okay... Mark. Mark and I met in high school. We had a 2 week debate on the question "is it easy to get away with murder?" I was against the idea, but he figured if we had no relation to the victim we could get away it. Zack! Zack lives in Sarnia now with his Girlfriend Lindsey. We don't see each other a lot, but we try to go out for coffee as often as we can. Zack is famous for trying insane things, like jumping over a car. Then their are the girls. There's Trish, Carly, Katie, Katie, Katie (there's like 18 Katies), Erin, Sue (Dave and Marks mom), Andrea (the Newbie), Sarah (who I like to call the wizard), and Natalie. Some other boys include Morgan (an ex roommate of mine), Ben, Nelson, Reid, Willy, Bob, Jesse, Nevin, Gatten, Logan, Matty, and Steve (Mark and Daves dad). These are the names I'll most likely mention if a story is based in London. I think of them a lot. They're my home away from home, while I hang out here in Toronto and try my hand at Stand up Comedy.
YEP! A stand up comic. When I was 25 I had absolutely nothing going on with my life, so I decided to pack up and move to Toronto to take classes at Second City. I wanted to be a sketch performer, and a writer. I took a few classes at Second City and really enjoyed it, so I decided to enroll at Humber College for their "Comedy Writing and Performance" program. It was there where I found out I wasn't much of an actor. I did get some laughs doing stand up, though. So for the 2 years at the college I went out every night and performed, sometimes in front of nobody. I've been out of Humber for a year now, and I'm still getting some laughs, and having a blast. So you can still see me at random bars building my act, around the city. I live with two goofs Paul and James. I have some decent friends like Guy, Lance, Morgan, Dianna, David Matt Cline, and Braeden. All of them do stand up, and you'll hear about them to. Oh! My Dad and Step mom live in Oshawa. I'll probably mention them throughout as well.
There! You made it through the dry introduction read. Next to follow will be memories and opinions that keep circling around my head. Some are new thoughts and others have been there for a while. I hope some of you enjoy this. If not, i know I will. I've already enjoyed writing this!!
Most of you reading this will probably already know me, but for the ones who just come across this, let me intorduce myself. I'm Chris Roberts. I live in Toronto. I was born in Sault Ste Marie. I moved to the village of Wingham when I was 5. Then later moved to London Ontario when i was 16, to gain somewhat of an IQ.
London is my true home town. It's where all my best friends live! I'll try to introduce them all, as I plan on talking about the A LOT. First there's Isaac. Isaac and I met in general math, my first week upon arriving in London. He was a punk, and I was a jock. But through our love of Seinfeld we made a long lasting friendship. Now there's Dave. Dave and I have been friends since my senior year of high school. He had graduated, but I got to know him through his younger brother mark (Wait! I'll get to Mark in a second). Dave and I didn't seem to have a lot in common, but after a few thousand beers (and everyone else getting girlfrends) we're the best of friends today. Okay... Mark. Mark and I met in high school. We had a 2 week debate on the question "is it easy to get away with murder?" I was against the idea, but he figured if we had no relation to the victim we could get away it. Zack! Zack lives in Sarnia now with his Girlfriend Lindsey. We don't see each other a lot, but we try to go out for coffee as often as we can. Zack is famous for trying insane things, like jumping over a car. Then their are the girls. There's Trish, Carly, Katie, Katie, Katie (there's like 18 Katies), Erin, Sue (Dave and Marks mom), Andrea (the Newbie), Sarah (who I like to call the wizard), and Natalie. Some other boys include Morgan (an ex roommate of mine), Ben, Nelson, Reid, Willy, Bob, Jesse, Nevin, Gatten, Logan, Matty, and Steve (Mark and Daves dad). These are the names I'll most likely mention if a story is based in London. I think of them a lot. They're my home away from home, while I hang out here in Toronto and try my hand at Stand up Comedy.
YEP! A stand up comic. When I was 25 I had absolutely nothing going on with my life, so I decided to pack up and move to Toronto to take classes at Second City. I wanted to be a sketch performer, and a writer. I took a few classes at Second City and really enjoyed it, so I decided to enroll at Humber College for their "Comedy Writing and Performance" program. It was there where I found out I wasn't much of an actor. I did get some laughs doing stand up, though. So for the 2 years at the college I went out every night and performed, sometimes in front of nobody. I've been out of Humber for a year now, and I'm still getting some laughs, and having a blast. So you can still see me at random bars building my act, around the city. I live with two goofs Paul and James. I have some decent friends like Guy, Lance, Morgan, Dianna, David Matt Cline, and Braeden. All of them do stand up, and you'll hear about them to. Oh! My Dad and Step mom live in Oshawa. I'll probably mention them throughout as well.
There! You made it through the dry introduction read. Next to follow will be memories and opinions that keep circling around my head. Some are new thoughts and others have been there for a while. I hope some of you enjoy this. If not, i know I will. I've already enjoyed writing this!!
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